That Salt n Pepa Look

The other day, I don't know why but this ad made me laugh.

It just goes to show the stupidity of advertising, the theme that with just one product, your life will be so much better. Not only that, it can be so fickle. We can advertise anything as the miracle to make you happy, even if in the past we advertise black hair as great, now we can advertise black and grey hair.

There's so much of advertising that is hilarious. Like the sheer amount of fun that women seem to have in tampon ads. It makes me wish I could get one. Then I realised that you have to put them in a brown paper bag when you sell them in a pharmacy. But why, I used to think. Why are they so ashamed of this most fun purchase?

The thing that advertising really sells better than most, thanks to the sheer repetition and the overarching theme of it all, is the message of dissatisfaction. Constantly, we are told of a 'problem' that we have, and a way to make it all better. Even when we know that this is going on, it's hard to ignore, because advertising is everywhere.

Recently, I saw a demonstration of eye-tracking, where researchers measure how the eye moves in an environment. The setting was an airport lounge. A lot of the eye movement was looking at people, usually in a stereotypical pattern of quick around the face, focus on the eyes, and then very quickly up and down (more attention paid to women by both sexes). Interestingly, people then seemed to be attracted to signs in the environment, and of course most of these signs are either advertising, or stupid (please don't bring bombs, firearms etc on the plane).

I was struck by the idea that we could eventually develop this technology for something useful, like using the eye tracking the other way around - move the eye to avoid advertising altogether.

I just came to say hello

Among the English world, we all have different ways of greetings.

When you are in Sydney, it is 'Hi, how are you?'

When you are in the country, it's more of one word 'Howzitgoin?'

When you are in England, it is 'Alright?' I think this is probably because something's usually wrong with the English

When you are young, it is 'What are you going to be when you grow up?'

When you are old, it is 'How are you?' Then the reply is 'Busy.' Then either of you will look at each other and nod solemnly, 'But it's good to be busy.'

Conversation starters, eh?

I want a blonde dreamboat

What you are about to read takes place on a cricket field. A big, brawny man of mixed ethnicity, with dreadlocks tucked under his cricket hat smears zinc cream on his lips. He plumps his lips and checks how it looks in his pocket mirror.

Why does one put zinc cream on your face? Do your lips get sunburnt as much as the other parts of your face? It's definitely not part of Slip, Slop, Slap.

It's not for the taste honey. Perhaps it's because zinc is associated with boosting your sperm count.

Last year in Britain, an agency allowed prospective parents to specify exactly what they wanted their sperm to look like. One couple even requested 'A blonde dreamboat, just like David Beckham'. And that's what they got, someone who looks like David Beckham. In fact, it might even be better than Becks because I don't know if the speech transferred as well.

I do like how it's more explicit how we select sperm these days. In the ancient times, before the internet, before modern technology, it was common for a woman to sleep with a 'dreamboat' and then get her partner to look after the baby. That's supported by the observation that when looking at a newborn, most people say it looks just like the father. It's also why women find different male faces more attractive, depending on their menstrual cycle. It's also why kamikaze sprem developed, with the sole intent of destroying other sperm in the tract.

The question is, does the world really need more sperm?

I feel sorry for you

I'm not sure why but sometimes people express some disappointment when they are waiting to get a new iPhone. I feel sorry for them. For all of us.

Once there's an iPhone around, things get a little strange. Looking around sometimes and it's hard to think that this is what people do when they are by themselves on a bus or train, obsessively looking at a tiny screen and flicking it along with their fingers.

You can be having a conversation with someone and they are not quite there. And then you realise that they are just flicking around on their iPhone, pinching stuff together. Or maybe you ask them something. Instead of having an answer, you might be redirected to an app. Maybe you could even get into a conversation about what apps are cool these days.

The thing to remember is that during the conversation, the iPhone is always there... on their shoulder, in their pocket, somewhere... whispering. Maybe something more interesting is going on?

Gymorexia

I just heard there is a word for being addicted to exercise - gymorexia. Apparently, it means that you have to go to the gym and exercise for hours each day otherwise you feel 'fat'. Maybe this addiction has always existed somewhere within the human race but it is only now that we have so many opportunities to exercise that it is coming out. There are gyms everywhere, heck if you've got a door you've got a gym.

Is there such a thing as a good addiction? Probably gymorexic is better than being a drug addict or an alcoholic. I wonder what the rehab is for gymorexia? I don't think it would be a twelve step program.

Just to compare gymorexia to a few other addictions that I have seen. Gymorexia has the benefits of being able to eat what you want and being in good shape. The downsides are actually going to the gym and having to hang out there, working out in front of a mirror while other people beside you are also looking at themselves in the mirror and grunting. The mirror actually shows the whole room but I don't really see anyone looking at anyone else apart from themselves. The other downside is probably the money for a gym membership, and maybe injuries.

Some people are addicted to cleaning, which I guess has the benefits of being in a hygienic environment. The downsides are going to be a fear of public places, inability to relax because cleaning is never ending and maybe even some kind of chemical poisoning.

Other people are addicted to soccer/football, which has no known benefits to society apart from some incidental fitness and learning about far flung places that have football teams. The downsides are watching football at odd hours of the day, the anguish of watching your team lose, neurotic parents screaming from the sidelines when you are coaching and the general malaise and vapidness when there is no football on.

And some people are addicted to work. Why?

Immortality

If you are immortal, do you think about the future more or less?

Movie Titles That Describe Your Last Dump

Credit goes to my friend and artist Duca and her friends...

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Scent of a Woman
Three Men and A Baby
Waiting to Exhale
I know what you had for breakfast
Junior
The green mile
Star Trek II : The Wrath of Khan
Flubber
Sleepless in Seattle
Big
‎...is anyone else noticing the relationship forming between Tom Hanks and best movie title to describe your last shit?
The Polar Express.... eh? eh?
What about "The Road to Perdition" and "Joe vs The Volcano"?
Castaway, although I think I may have stolen that one.
Fear
The Italian Job
Gone in 60 seconds
Willy wonka and the chocolate factory
The bodyguard
Born free
Spirited away and watership down
There will be blood
Long kiss goodnight
Duplicity
The Great Escape
Down Periscope
Cool Runnings
Black Beauty
Chocolat
The Hurricane
Twister
O brother where art thou?
The passion of the christ
From Hell
Pitch Black

... and my contribution, "Gone with the Wind"