Thursday, October 29, 2009

Rise of the Printers

Out of all the office technology out there, printers are the worst behaved.  They are temperamental.  They sit in a corner.  They make loud noises.  Even when it's working properly, it seems like it's broken, like some violent process is creating this magical imprint on paper.  At the moment, my printer is whirring for who knows what reason.  It has a sleep function.  

They need a whole lot of tender loving care.  They break down all the time.  Cartridges fail, get used up, discarded.  

I'm toying with the idea of bringing them out of the corner.  I think the reason why they don't work all the time is that they don't get enough love.  It's just use and abuse.  

I'm worried that they are going to become self-aware.  They already have such terrifying names, that sound like they can inflict maximum damage on the human race.  Led by the ruthless Xerox, unleashing the mighty Canon, it doesn't look good for us.

I'm going to hug my printer now.  Not really, but at least I thought about it.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Check this out!

By my calculations, every song and most remixes are on youtube.  There are thousands of concerts on youtube as well.  Ageing rockers U2 famously broadcast a recent concert on youtube in HD (at least HD compared to normal youtube) for free.  U2ube.

Youtube is going to be bigger than the world one day.  If aliens ever wanted to know everything about humanity, all they'd need to do is download, upload, or stream youtube.  It's the best and the worst of humanity, girls dancing in front of a camera, people singing, cats playing hide and seek.  It's all there.

Internet people love sending youtube links.  The problem is that they are generally pretty cryptic.  Something vague like - check this out! or even worse, some subtle clue that you would never guess.  

Something like:

you thought you'd lived. 
you thought you'd seen it all.
you were wrong.

How are you meant to know what the hell it's about?  And then you have to click on the link.  Chances are that you've seen it before and not liked it that much anyway, never seen it but don't really like it, the clip has been pulled down by youtube.

Youtube clips also seem to have their own rules.  Things pop up from nowhere.  They are really grainy, so that you can't really know what's going on.  Is that someone's leg? No, it's two people's faces.  Then there are the tricks that people use, the effects.  Things fading in and out, screen wipes.  Compilations put together to try and make it seem like a movie trailer, with extreme slow-mos of people's faces, big titles, dramatic theme music.  It makes me hate it but then I come back for more, attracted by the lo-fi-ness of it all.

The other thing that keeps you coming back of course is the sheer idiocy of the comments on youtube.  It's almost at the point that people who comment on youtube should not operate heavy machinery, vote, procreate.

This interchange is insightful and moronic.

MrsPatz100 (6 hours ago)
Reply | Spam
ihf you hate it so much than why do watch this kind of things?
ILovesMeSomeLulz (4 hours ago)
Reply | Spam
Because I have the ability to do so. DERP

Thursday, October 22, 2009


Titanic is one of the most successful movies of all time.  Why?

Maybe because of its great stars?  Well really only Leo was a big star at that time.  Kate Winslet was still wearing old clothes and acting in period pieces.  I think even Billy Zane was more famous than her.  You should listen to him.

It could be because of its great love story?  The love story is all made up, it's not real, and there are plenty of movies about love stories.

What about its amazing special effects?  It wasn't the first movie to use amazing special effects.  Some of James Cameron's other movies, like the Terminator series, used incredible special effects.  However, when it was made, it was the most expensive film ever.

How about the tragic story, and the theme of the battle between nature and man?  There are also plenty of movies about this.  It's not like people didn't know what was going to happen at the end of Titanic.

I think that just leaves two options.  Firstly, there weren't many other good movies on at that time. 

The other option is that it could just be the amazing soundtrack, which also featured one of the most successful songs ever made.  I'd love to write about why that song was such a big hit, but I have absolutely no answer why.

Looking at James Cameron's record, it's hard to argue that Titanic wasn't just an aberration amongst some ground-breaking (usually sci-fi films).  I think his new movie could be very interesting too.

I should probably also note I've never watched the entire film.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Just Google It

There's no such thing as a stupid question.  For some reason, at my work, people ask me questions.  Not just any questions.  Questions that are technology related.  My job's not that technology intensive.  We use programs like Microsoft Excel, Microsoft Word.  I guess maybe it's because I look Indian.  Just to clear up any confusion, I am, in fact, Australian.  Maybe it's because I'm young?  

Anyway, the questions I get asked are things like, 'How do I do this in Excel?'  

I guess that's fine.  The only problem is, my answer is really, 'Just Google It'.  That's what I do.  I don't really say that though.

The questions I ask at work tend to be a bit different.  Lately, I've been musing about different things.  Like why was Titanic such a successful movie (more to come on that later).  Why do banana's have red tape on it?  What's a spatchcock?  Unfortunately, people tell me to 'Just Google It'.  The problem is, these Google answers aren't as interesting as people's speculations.  Fiction is definitely more interesting than facts.

Oh well, maybe I'll just stick to talking about the weather.

Monday, October 12, 2009

A short one

How do blind people know when to stop wiping, when they are on the toilet?

Do you scrunch or fold the toilet paper?  Which one is right?  Why would using shells ever be better?

Do you sit or stand to wipe?  

For these questions (except for the blind one) most people do it one way all the time, and could never imagine it being done another way.