Sunday, February 13, 2011

I want a blonde dreamboat

What you are about to read takes place on a cricket field. A big, brawny man of mixed ethnicity, with dreadlocks tucked under his cricket hat smears zinc cream on his lips. He plumps his lips and checks how it looks in his pocket mirror.

Why does one put zinc cream on your face? Do your lips get sunburnt as much as the other parts of your face? It's definitely not part of Slip, Slop, Slap.

It's not for the taste honey. Perhaps it's because zinc is associated with boosting your sperm count.

Last year in Britain, an agency allowed prospective parents to specify exactly what they wanted their sperm to look like. One couple even requested 'A blonde dreamboat, just like David Beckham'. And that's what they got, someone who looks like David Beckham. In fact, it might even be better than Becks because I don't know if the speech transferred as well.

I do like how it's more explicit how we select sperm these days. In the ancient times, before the internet, before modern technology, it was common for a woman to sleep with a 'dreamboat' and then get her partner to look after the baby. That's supported by the observation that when looking at a newborn, most people say it looks just like the father. It's also why women find different male faces more attractive, depending on their menstrual cycle. It's also why kamikaze sprem developed, with the sole intent of destroying other sperm in the tract.

The question is, does the world really need more sperm?

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